Thursday, January 12, 2006

Who The Fuck is Loretta, and Why Should You Care?

Well, you shouldn't, really.

But some people do, because Loretta has a gift, nay a spectacular aptitude, for really pissing people off.

This is Loretta -- Just cut & paste it.

It is hard to tell just what the hell "Observations of a Misfit," Loretta's blog, is all about. At first, when she began it about 2 years ago, it looked like a crime blog, though no one was using that term much at the time. But Loretta posts any old thing her brain farts out there, from song parodies so poorly executed they make one re-consider the original source, even if it sucks, to rants against her detractors.

And yo, g, has Loretta got her some detractors.

Here's a blogspot blog entirely devoted to hating on Loretta -- "LorettaHaters2" (there was a '1,' it is true), is amusingly titled, "Loretta Serrano is a Fucktard." I could wax poetic about the joys of the word "fucktard" for an entire entry, but I was telling you about Loretta, about her minions, or flying monkeys, and the loretta-haters.

On the one hand, it is perhaps unintentionally kind of flattering to be a blogger so thoroughly disliked that others actually take the trouble to blog about hating your sorry ass, but on the other, the Fucktardians arrayed against Loretta have something on their side she doesn't seem to possess -- humor.

I'm kind of a crazy fucker, so perhaps it's just my idea of humor, but this is my blog, so there you go.

Here's an example of the giddy rancor spread daily at The following can be found in the comments:

Ok well in the ongoing saga of Loretta Serrano trying to emulate Scott Peterson/Marlene Newell, it seems the latest chapter is she's following Scott's footsteps and claiming that she won't read here anymore! (again) Remember when Scott cut himself off from responding to letters from prison? Of course blaming others for the reason he needed to do this--just like Lo! Is this her version of that? Is she condemning herself to Death Row (whatver kitchen or kitchens that would be or w/ the toe tag)? Is that what you're doing Lo? (cuz I do know you're reading this right now--moments after I post it in fact! ).

Or is she just really pissed off that her little LII site didn't take off with the bang she hoped it would? Temper tantrum?

See, Loretta Dillon/Smith/Serrano/Whatever made her blogging 'fame,' so to speak, writing about the Laci and Scott Peterson case, where Peterson was arrested, tried, and convicted for the murder of his wife Laci and their unborn son, Conner. From Loretta's sometimes rambling discourses in her blog about things she only had the thinnest knowledge of in her blog, she even cobbled together a book.

Serrano invented a character she sometimes trotted out in her blog, "Dr. N-Buster." According to Serrano, the chief problem found at the core of actions like Scott Peterson's is narcissism. That is, pathological self-love, egotism.

She's kind of right, but only part-way... but that isn't here or there. The funny thing one gets reading Dillon/Smith/Serrano's blog after a while is that she herself is, well, pretty fucking narcissistic:

Dr. ā€œNā€ Buster returns to analyze the curious statements Chet Lynch has made throughout the week to the media since his wife, Cindy, vanished from the marina where the couple were living on a yacht for the past year. Some...

Uh, yeah. Cindy Lynch ended up having a drinking problem, it seems, and to the best of my knowledge, ole Chet has never once seen the inside of a jail cell in association with his wife's death. She was found, and it was determined she'd fallen, and couldn't get up. Loretta's blog is filled with pompous howlers like the statement above.

Apparently, the war between The Misfits and the Fucktardians began when someone dissed someone else. I considered analyzing some more in-depth, but I simply don't have the time. Loretta occasionally flashes a moment or two of smart writing out there, but most of her stuff is similar pontificating to the above. She'd be a feast for a libel attorney, as Dillon/Smith/Serrano/Fuckwit never even stops for a second to consider that someone involved in a criminal case that hits the news might actually not be guilty, especially not after she thinks she's spotted the tell-tale signs of the big "N."

Loretta has a book, too. It's just warmed-over blog entries about the Peterson case, and it is so boring it makes some of crazy-ass serial killer groupie Sondra London's writing look sane. Even worse, at least London has apparently been paid to send her manuscripts off to the printer; Loretta Dillon/Serrano/Smith/Dipshit self-published, which is the same as standing on a street-corner and just shouting your lunacy to the rooftops. People think you've been asked by other folks to do such a thing for money, you might get listened to -- if you do it yourself, you're probably a nutjob.

That could kind of go for all blogging, I guess, but HEY, we're not talking about that right now, chilluns.

The deal with Loretta is that she doesn't even register in the blogosphere. Bloggers like Michelle Malkin, Glenn Reynolds, even bloggers like Steve Huff, who has fewer readers than Malkin or Reynolds but appears in the news nearly as often, barely know Dillon/Serrano/Smith/Whatever exists (though I did notice that Huff has her on a blogroll). Loretta appears to have a carefully cultivated little cadre of fans, some of whom may just be Loretta herself, who daily sojourn to her blog to absolutely steam-clean Loretta's anal region with their tongues. The obsequiousness found in comments at, the cyber-high-fiving and self-congratulation is just astonishing.

The funny thing is, if you read the woman's blog over the course of a year, then check the lorettahaters2 site, you see that eventually, many misfits make the mistake of not lowering their eyes when the queen passes and they get their figurative heads taken off. Loretta goes after them hammer-and-tongs then, it does look like she stalks a bit. Then misfitters end up as Fucktardians.

So, in this little war, who is winning? WHO GIVES A FUCK? In a way, no one. Loretta's blog maintains its middling popularity with stay-at-home moms and the bipolar disordered folks stuck at home sucking up their disability payment lithium, and each time someone says, "uh, Loretta, you might be wrong about that," a new fucktardian is born, as Loretta makes catty phone calls to employers, character-assassinates, threatens, etc, just like that Asperger-Syndrome girl you made so angry in elementary school she eventually started throwing handfuls of brown playground gravel at you. Loretta, for all her witchy mien and general scariness -- her Usenet posts are enlightening -- has some staying power.

The Fucktard Contingent keeps switching blogs and keeps on bitching. They balance their end of things by being pretty damned funny.

More about this ridiculous shit as I have the time. I promise, it's pretty fun.

(Remember, you can e-mail loki.lightbringer(AT) if you've got good dirt about what I've written, or something I should write. It doesn't have to be high-profile bloggers, just anything that is interesting, even salacious. Do tell. Don't forget to replace (AT) with "@.")


Almost forgot -- here's a good example of what a lovely human being Dillon/Serrano/Yadayada can be at times:

Unfortunately, I can't see the future. I do know that bad things happen
to bad people, and I do wish that the scum of New Orleans had all
drowned in the flood, like an Old Testament purge.
I expect most of them survived. Like cockroaches.
And they are coming to a city near you."
Posted by loretta at September 8, 2005 09:38 AM